We hear a lot about ‘mental and emotional resilience’ these days. What it means is the ability to withstand life’s challenges and get through them relatively unscathed. We’re not necessarily born with the skills to develop this resilience; it requires reflection and takes practice so here are five suggestions of ways to strengthen your ability to roll with the punches life throws at you.
1. Check-in with yourself
How are you today? And don’t just say ‘fine’. Take a few moments to really think about how things are for you. How are you feeling physically and emotionally? Anything worrying or bothering you? Any change on the horizon that’s on your mind? Any persistent little worries gnawing away at your peace of mind?
Getting into the habit of observing how you’re feeling is a good first step to building emotional resilience because you start to understand yourself and your needs better. What leaves you feeling energised and connected? What drains your emotional resources and leaves you depleted and tired? What are you looking forward to and what are you dreading? What can you stop doing – or start doing – to make yourself feel better, more engaged and more productive?
2. Understand that feelings are not facts
Before you get sucked into an emotional vortex over something, stop. Think. Is this a feeling or a fact? Are you making a wild assumption and actually projecting your feelings, or a lack of confidence or low self-esteem or just a bad mood, onto a situation?
Firstly, and most importantly – you do NOT know what other people are thinking. So if your panic is based on a feeling / hunch / intuition that you’ve made a huge mistake, upset someone, failed at something, just take a minute before you proceed to beat yourself to a pulp.
Feelings can be useful to identify what’s going on, but they can also be completely irrational. Is this thing in your head a fact? Do you have evidence or is it just a thought, a feeling, a notion? Try and be objective. Feelings pass. Don’t waste your energy worrying about something that’s not even real.
3. Recognise when you’re having a tough time and be nice to yourself.
When there’s a lot on your plate you need to make sure to take care of yourself.
If you’ve got a demanding job and caring responsibilities, health issues, money problems, difficult relationships, or you’re experiencing loss or significant change, your emotional resources will be limited and you need to be mindful of your own wellbeing. It will help if you acknowledge that ‘this is a lot, no wonder I’m struggling, I need to take some steps to take good care of myself’.
Set boundaries. Be clear on your priorities and don’t feel bad about putting yourself first. Get to that gym session. Go for that walk. Stop work at a reasonable time. Take time out when you need it. Have a quiet weekend. You’re no use to anyone if you collapse in a heap, so you need look after yourself when things are challenging.
4. Is this helpful or harmful?
You’re worth looking after and that’s your job, no one else can do it for you.
It’s down to you. Take some time to examine what you’re doing, who you’re spending time with, how you’re treating yourself – ask yourself whether it’s (or they are) helpful or harmful.
Unhealthy habits, excessive behaviours, toxic relationships can all sneak up on you so just take a step back, observe and ask: is it helpful or is it harmful? Then you can take steps to address things.
5. Talk to someone.
It’s easy to get lost in the cul-de-sac of your own head going over and over the same ground.
Getting it out of your head and into a conversation with someone you trust means you’ll be offered a different perspective that might release you from the endless thought circuit and galvanise you into action. It might challenge or confirm what you’re thinking but either way you’ll benefit from someone else’s take on things. Just make sure the person you talk to has your best interests at heart.
And if you don’t have anyone to talk to or you can’t to them about what’s on your mind, counselling might give you the space you need to move forward.